I just don’t get it!  I really don’t!

Sometimes Mom is just sooooooooooo  mean!!

Pout, pout!!

Why?  What’s the deal, Boomer?  You look just fine to me.

It’s MOM, Fuzzy!  She is a real Meany! She doesn’t play fair…Mom is…just plain WEIRD!!!!!!

 Hummm, I’ve never thought that, what happened to make you so upset Boom?

Well, yesterday, you know when we went down to the other house —Dad was under the floor crawling around working on that furnace duct work and Mom was painting…and you were sleeping on the step close to Mom.

Yeah…sleeping in the sunshine.  That was real nice.

Well…I decided to go sniff around and see what sort of new was down there.  First I went up to the apricot tree…

*grey ground squirrels….lots of storing of nuts and stuff going on

*the bunnies are starting to get on their winter fur…they are REALLY fluffy

* the baby quail look like teenagers….I had a great time laughing and giggling with them

Then I trotted on over to the old orchard…not much news there.  Then the wind came up….

SSNIFF!!!  AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I headed over the hill by the old orchard and squiggled myself down through the Sage and Chico brush and FOUND IT!!!

OH! YIPPEE!!!  A TRUE DELIGHT!

It was wonderfully ripe and squishy and goopy and well…JUST PERFECT!!!

I rolled all over in it—first my neck, then I scrapped my throat through it, that felt so good—I laid down and gave myself a really nice back rub ALL OVER MY BACK—from the top of my head to the base of my spine…it was a great massage in the most perfect of massage oils.

After that I got up and decided to walk in the remains, of what I’m not sure, I squished the squeaky goo up into my toes; wiggling each toe so I could feel the whole nasty  wonderful slop way up into the pads of my feet.

It was marvelous!  Then I thought I would check the wonder smell out a little more so nosed around in it seeing if I missed any more slime.  Nope, just a drop or two that was all. I was lucky to get the stuff all over my snout and even around my eyes on the top of my forehead!

Shoot! I was done.  But, OH WELL!!! It was Heaven while it lasted.

I headed back to the house…there you were just dozing away in the sun all stretched out taking in every warm ray of light…Dad must be under the house for the lawn was littered with pipe and whatever it was he was doing…where is Mom?

OH!!! THERE YOU ARE MOM!!! YIPPEE!!!  See what I have and what I brought back for you!!  IT’S MORE THAN WONDERFUL, MOM!  IT’S PERFUME OF THE GODS!!   I trotted right up to her — she had her back to me painting on the window trim of the house; I figured she would smell me and turn around.

She didn’t right at first…shish. Mom just turn around!  Instead she started talking to herself… “Whew!  Something really stinks around here.  UGH!  I wonder if something died in the hedge.”

“Oh, Hi! Boomer-bee”, she said as she reached down to pet me!

“Gag, swallow erup!  BOOMER YOU STINK!!!!”

“Oh nooooo, Boomer!  What did you find! Gag, gag…urp!”

Oh, Mom, it’s really cool isn’t it?  It’s just wonder—-

“GAG! Boomer!  You can NOT come down here again!  You always seem to find something nasty to roll in!  As soon as we get you home you are getting a bath!  GET!  Get over there until I get done and DO NOT Move!”

Then, Fuzzy, she marched herself right in to the house and told Dad that I HAD TO WALK HOME.  She was going to clean up her painting stuff and walk me home so she could clean ME up!

Sigh.

Oh well…I get to have my perfume until we get home! HAHAHAHA

I wondered why you didn’t ride back with Dad and me.  I looked for you and Mom but you didn’t get into the truck with us so I just enjoyed myself without you.

Mom and I walked home, Fuzz!  She wasn’t very happy about it because she had to walk carefully in the mud on the field roads, but we made it!  She walked on the weeds and I walked wherever I wanted too.

There was a brisk little breeze blowing!  We had to walk up for a spell, then we had to walk left for a spell, then we had to walk down for a spell, then we had to walk left again for another spell, then we had to walk down into the farmyard.  You know how the roads go, Fuzzy.

On the way I decided that Maybe, just MAYBE if I gave Mom a chance to REALLY smell me, by the time we got home she would love the perfume as much as I do and let me keep it.  So if the wind was blowing into us I made sure to walk in front of Mom, if it was blowing a different direction I walked so the wind caused the odor to waft right into Mom’s nose!

I thought it was a very good plan!

Although, it didn’t work!   As soon as we got home Mom got out her Dog washing supplies and started scrubbing me down with soap, and peroxide and lots and lots of warm water.  It TOOK FOREVER!!

Yep, about an hour, Boom.  I watched.

Then she took me into the house and put me IN THE BATHTUB!!! MY GOODNESS!!  I am the cleanest dog in the whole wide world.

Yeah, you are, Boomer!  But you got to sleep inside last night.  Dad said if you had just one little faint smell you had to sleep out in the dog house.

Yes, and Mom said I can’t ever go down to the other house with her now, because this is the second time in three weeks I’ve found something nasty to roll in.

I guess you will just have to get used to not going down there, Boomer.

I guess, Fuzzy.  I just don’t get people sometimes.  They really don’t understand aroma and the adjoining slush that goes with a really good find.

Nope they don’t, Boomer.  No, they don’t.

Sigh!

Boomer